Aug 10
29
I’m sure Jonathan will want several Sharpie Liquid Pencils when they’re released. Friend Anisa posted this on her Fb page last month and I forgot to show it to him. His reaction was sort of ho-hum until I pointed Anisa said it would be great for drawing.
Artists using pencil sketches would no longer have to line over their finished sketch in ink to make it permanent, as the liquid graphite they use is erasable for 3 days and then becomes permanent.
http://blog.howdesign.com/illustration/sharpie-pencil/
Aug 10
28
We attempted taking Liam to a movie today. Discovered How to Train Your Dragon was at the dollar theatre, so we figured if we had to leave, at least it wouldn’t cost an arm and a leg.
He made it about an hour and then was a little to restless and we exited. Sat on the aisle and near the back just in case. That’s pretty standard for his movie viewing at home too. About an hour of sitting still and watching the movie, then he has to run laps on the couch while watching the rest of the movie.
I’m trying not to get depressed about my back. It was doing pretty well, I thought, those first few days. I think it was Thursday ? morning that I somehow slept wrong. And what was strange was I was on my RIGHT side, I thing sort of partially on my back, and woke up with an excruciating pain in my LEFT hip. Since then I’ve had some lower back pain, including across the left part of my back. Also had some right sciatic pain down my leg when we were out cruising Toys R Us after leaving the theatre.
I HAVE been doing my PT, for those keeping score. I skipped one night last week simply because I was exhausted. And surprisingly, I felt the difference. I also skipped last night after the 4+ hours of walking we did at the zoo’s Sunset Safari event last night.
I do one exercise that really stresses those lower back muscles. I’ve been trying to work up gradually as Dr Foto prescribed, but I’m wondering if I’m overdoing it on those. Or on therapy in general. I did search about a week ago and thankfully found my Swiss ball exercise book. And just flipping through it, I’d say probably 80% of the exercises are ones I’ll likely be doing as they apply to core strength.
Then again, it’s barely been over a week, so I have another week to go for recommended maximum effectiveness on the Kenalog. So I’m trying not to worry or stress too much about how it’s feeling. I’ve also probably been lifting Liam too much. I AM feeling better and probably really doing too much too soon.
Aug 10
25
I had to drive across campus today for a meeting right after lunch, and saw a sight that just made me shake my head. I have to say, I just don’t understand some cultural differences and how beliefs develop over the generations and centuries.
There was a young girl of typical college age – so 19 or 20? Large, fully loaded pack on her back (smartly using both backpack straps as intended) . . . experience tells me the pack likely weighed about 50-60 pounds. Pushing – not riding – a bicycle on the sidewalk. A flat sidewalk – so no, not pushing it up a hill instead of riding. Wearing a full burka – the only think I could see were her eyes. It was about 85-86 degrees today, plenty of humidity, no breeze.
I have a Muslim friend (who I need to reconnect with) who is . . . . modern? Maybe “liberal” is more accurate. We were in ??? with each other and there were several more conservative (relative to her) Muslim girls in other chapters who wore the scarves/wraps to keep their hair covered all the time. That’s a common sight at UMKC, too – likely on any college campus with any sort of International program or draw for students abroad. She tried to explain to me the belief that drives this – it was years ago and I can’t remember the details. But hair is to be hidden, kept out of sight of men, something to incite lust? I’m sure I don’t have that exactly right. But Muslim women are only allowed to remove the cover in the presence of their husband alone, or if they are in a private room with only other women. I think once little brothers hit puberty (maybe younger) they must cover around them as well.
OK, fine. And a burka is even more conservative. But why bother with the bicycle when you know you have to wear a burka? That’s a lot of material that could potentially get caught in chain or spokes, and you’ve have to hike it all up and secure it to be able to ride safely. Of course she may have been wearing black pants or leggings under it as well – but I sure wouldn’t have been in that heat.?
Aug 10
23
Evidently Liam is going through a growth spurt. At this age you never know when one might arrive. He had a fantastic appetite last weekend and I remember thinking, wow, I wonder if he’s going through one. Last night he slept better than he has in a while. Waking only twice, and keeping more to his side of the crib.
When we picked him up from daycare today, he was working on a good size chicken strip. Rosemary said it was his 5th, yes FIFTH, one. Lunch was chicken, fried okra, and rice and he inhaled all of it. She said she and Bobbi just shook their heads in wonder at where all he was putting it.
Then dinner tonight he stripped 2-3 pieces of pizza and three large spoonfulls of broccoli. Pizza toppings only – not crust. He used to inhale pizza and several months ago he went to just pulling all the toppings off the pizza, eating them, and leaving the crust. He will sometimes eat the thin, cracker crust pizzas we’ve been getting from CostCo but this one was a meat, Meat, and MEAT pizza, with cheese, from Walmart. Then before bed he had some milk and animal crackers.
Like his parents, I think some of his favorite foods are breakfast related. The ladies say he always chows at breakfast, and if we decide to have breakfast for dinner, he usually eats better than if it’s more dinner type food. Sunday dinner was waffles with homemade strawberry jam, and omelette du fromage (he ate TWO of each, along with some OJ).
And Saturday after his nap we went out to do some errands. JoAnn’s (where we ran into Reba, Lauren and Jovie!), and then World Market (which I recently re-discovered). We were leaving the latter and he chimes in with “Momma, hungry ME!” He consumed an entire cheeseburger, half a small fries, and several bites of vanilla cone on the way home.
It’s been a tiny glimpse into what teenage life is going to be like. We may have to get second jobs just to keep food in the fridge.
Imagine, if you will, taking a 27 pound octopus, about 3 feet long (very dense – it’s a special species), and allowing it to swim around for 2 hours in a mixture of Mountain Dew, Jolt Cola, Espresso, and your favorite energy drink. Dry it off, dress it in a pair of overalls (plenty of buckles and snaps), a sock on each foot, and lay down next to it in bed, in an attempt to get it to go to sleep.
This is what my attempt at getting Liam to sleep today was like. He was sleepy when we started – almost falling asleep in the carseat on the way home from dance practice*. Jonathan carried him in for me and we curled up for a light yai-yai snack.
Whereupon the octopus emerged. While keeping at least one hand wrapped around my left earlobe – because momma’s ears with earrings in them are simply irresistible and the closest thing he has to a lovey right now – he rotated himself 360, applied toes to my pelvic bone, draped himself over my side, slithered an arm under my chin and around my next, attempted to fondle the earlobe with a socked foot, shoved my chin out of the way with his foot, ran a hand over my eyes and a finger up my nose (purely by accident, thankfully), wiggled his way from up against the headboard to down around my knees. And I have learned that sometimes when he’s like this, it’s his way of winding down, and if I just lay there next time, being quiet and still, he will settle himself and go to sleep.
Today was NOT one of those days. After 30 minutes of this I’ve leaned it’s better to stop trying, just get up, and try again later. That was only about 1 pm, so I knew there was time to attempt it again. We got up, had some lunch (possibly a reason for not sleeping in the first place), went downstairs for about a half hour, and then tried again. I got him to sleep about 1545 with only about 5 minutes of cephalopod behavior.
*No, I didn’t dance, following post-epi instructions of no exercise for 48 hours – though I do plan on doing a light PT workout this evening, which is allowed.
Aug 10
20
11:34– Checked in, and waiting in a surprisingly crowded waiting room. It’s the second floor of the building my Monday appt was in. An entire floor for surgery and procedures.
I’m terrified. I know I’m going to be awake and realized late last night they will probably NOT let Jonathan come with me because of the live x-ray situation. And after exchanging messages with Rachel I can anticipate it’s going to be quite painful.
12:24– Back in a little room, peed in a cup, and blood pressure surprisingly normal for as anxious as I am. The nurse person gave me details about what’s going to happen and I feel slightly better now. I have an active imagination don’t ya know. Thought card says 2-2.5 hours, only 15 or so of that is actual poking. And there will be three pokes: local numbing stuff, contrast dye, and then steroid in the form of Kenalog. Slow acting (3-5 day average) but long-lasting.
12:52– All done. Apparently the doctor doing the epidural makes all the difference. So I’m not letting anyone but Doc Foto (as everyone seems to call him) inject things into my foramen. That took less than 5 min and was similar in sensation to having my TENS turned up a little too high. I was trying to relax and wait for the pain to come when he tore off the drape and started to wipe off the betadine. I’m hanging out for 10-15 minutes so they can just how I’m going to respond to the numbing agent they injected. Some end up floppy legged and others can walk out. At the moment there’s a slight tingling, but I still have full control over my foot.
15:28– Home. Actually home for awhile. They got me standing about 13:15 and other than my first step (which felt like walking on ocean waves, if they were solid) I’ve been good. I held onto Jonathan and the nurse, Sara, the first 10-15 steps around the room, but going to the car and to get something to eat I just held Jonathan’s hand and we walked slowly. We walked out of there literally, like an old married couple. One that was in their 80s. He’s off crutches but still favoring that right leg with the torn muscle and he’s moving with a noticeable limp. Post food we came home (being in the car was making me nauseous and I’ve been just a bit light headed). I was really REALLY looking forward to laying down, but just could not get comfortable. So I’m up and writing, supported strategically with pillows in the recliner. Jonathan is napping. He got to bed late last night after gaming, and has been up since 5 am – his brain wouldn’t shut down.
Extra Details From the Comfort of Home
Really, they should have given me the details of what this was going to entail much earlier in the week. I got little and crappy sleep last night cause I was imagining horrible writhing pain and having to lay still on a table for upwards of an hour. When Sara took us to the “holding” room, I was so worked up I started to cry. She sat on the edge of the bed and explained how easy and quick this was going to be. And OMG no, not 2.5 hours – they plan for at least an hour of that to be in the waiting room (I guess to make sure people get their on time for the actually procedure appt, which I wasn’t even told.) I was greatly calmed by telling her what I’d been anticipating and her telling me what it was really going to be like. I peed in a cup (to make sure I wasn’t pregnant, since I’d be under an extended x-ray) and then we waited for Dr Fotopoulus to come in.
He did explained the process again. They are also big on asking the patient what they’re there to have done (I was asked 3 times to explain I was getting an epidural in my lower back for low back pain that radiated to right hip and leg). I had confirmed with Sara that he was indeed Greek (I mean really, with a name like that I didn’t think I was wrong, but I guessed a faculty member to be Greek based solely on name and turns out he wasn’t), then asked if he happened to speak any Greek. She said “Oh yes. He speaks five languages”. Wow, was my answer.
Anyway, in the process of him telling what things would be like, he tells me I really should feel any pain and if I do I should tell him. He said he was indeed feeling a bit sadistic today, but he’d restrain himself and be good. He asked if I had any other questions or concerns and I told him it had been a while but “efkharistó”. I wanted to see surprise on his face and I got it. He smiled, said I did fine, and that I was welcome. I told him “efkharistó to you and [turned to Jonathan] S’Agapo to you.” Dr Foto says “Very good!” Who knew learning a handful of words and phrases all those years ago working for the Bude brothers would come in handy in my future. Jonathan informed me I’m not allowed to see anyone else for my back, that this guy is the one and is awesome. (I don’t disagree! Must remember to thank Dr B the next time I see him for the referral.)
The procedure room was right next door to my holding room. I crawled up on a high, narrow table (step ladder included) to get on my back. The tech ended up bringing me an extra pillow for just under the lactating boobies (I’m not a stomach layer, either, and that’s part of the reason). There was a table of brick-a-brack to focus on, and I swear a mounted Jackalope was watching me from the wall. There was a little marble statue of Elvis, a military something with a tiny head, Ariel and Sabastian from the Little Mermaid, a can of Armadillo meat, a little Mayan sun figure, and I can’t even remember what else. Knowing Jonathan would not be able to be with me, I grabbed Liam’s sea lion from the zoo and stuffed him in my cargo pocket. But with the BP cuff on, I could not reach it. I asked one of the two techs in the room “Could you please reach in my pocket for me and pull out the sea lion?” Dr Foto and one of the techs says “Um, what?” She pulls it out and hands it to me and I explain it’s my son’s – which I tuck under my chin and hold onto. Dr F says “I was wondering how big that pocket was”, and a tech says “Is that a sea lion in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”. I told them I’ll bet that’s something you don’t hear very often from patients.
He smeared me with cold betadine, then a cold sticky drape. I jumped a little when the local anesthesia went in and then tried to make myself relax. When he said he was going to take the needle deeper, to numb further in the pain or sensations didn’t really change. I just lay there TRYING to relax, listening to them talk to each other, NOT looking at the monitor (if it had been someone else’s spine I would have been engrossed, but I think knowing it was in me and watching it would have been bad). He asked me to please not pass out on him as he’d already had someone do that this morning. He then told me about this big football player he worked on that made it all the way through the procedure and when it was over – he keeled over. People pass out on him during procedures about twice a year he told me.
I felt maybe a half dozen electrical zap type charges down my leg, mostly just as he was doing something. Told him what I was feeling, he asked if it was painful, and I said no, just strange feeling. And as I said earlier when I was in recovery/holding (all that was typed from my iPod as the KCOI has free wifi) I was expecting something more painful. A bigger needle, a jolt of pain, something . . . and the next thing I knew he ripped the drape off of me, and wiped down my back and butt to get the betadine off.
“OK, you’re done”
“Already? You mean completely done?”
“Well, yes . . . unless you want me to do it all over again. I’m sorry, was I a disappointment?”
“No, no, that’s not it. It was just so much easier than I was expecting. From what I’d heard. Apparently the doctors those other people had doing their epidurals were just not as good.”
“Oh yeah . . . feel the ego.”
“Uh oh. Now I’ve done it. Do you (to assistants) have an extra wide door for him to get out of here?” And we were ALL laughing.
They had me “log-roll” over to the bed that was in the holding room and rolled me in there with him. I spent about 15 minutes there, with BP and O2 monitor on, then Sara comes back and I walked out.
My post procedure instructions are pretty simple. No exercise, including PT, for 24 hours; no heat for 48 hours, can use ice for 20 min at a time at injection site if needed; no swimming, baths, or hot-tubs for 5 days, showers OK; don’t sit in the same position for more than 90 minutes the rest of today. Average response time to what they injected in there is 3-5 days, but it could take up to 14 days for me to feel the full benefit of it, assuming it’s going to work for me. Some people hop off the table feeling great, some it takes 14 days, most are in the 3-5 day range. Evidently the steroid of choice (Kenalog) is slow to kick in, but then last longer (potentially up to 3 years). I’m hopeful for at least 6-9 months on this one. If it doesn’t last that long, that should at least give me time to work on PT on a regular basis, strengthen my core, lose at least some weight, and then if needed be in a better position for surgery.
Jonathan has left to go get Liam from daycare. I’m tired, head feeling a little fuzzy/loopy, my back definitely has an ache to it (I keep having to change position every 10 min or so). Don’t feel like I can sleep right now.
I wish they had explained the procedure earlier this week. I would have gotten more sleep and probably would not have had 4 consecutive headache days from the anticipatory stress. At least now I know. And if I need to repeat this procedure again, I doubt I’ll lose sleep over it next time.
Aug 10
18
Just figures I’d get a series of migraines this week. I had one Monday afternoon/evening, ditto Tuesday. Today was a trip to Columbia for training and a couple of meetings. Had one start in the morning, faded late morning and afternoon, and came back on the drive home.
I can’t take any NSAIDs – which include ibuprofen – for 5 days prior to the epirural on Friday. I don’t know how many times last night I walked past the cabinet and almost went to down a few ibu. I broke down and took vicodin this morning, which is probably the only reason I was headache free for a few hours today.
I’m going to blame two nights of headaches for the dream I had last night. This one was just too strange not to chronicle and I sat down to jot down notes as soon as I got up this morning.
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First off, Gram decided that a couple gallons of Dermestid beetles would make a great pet . . . pets? [These are flesh eating beetles that you feed meat. When I was in grad school I had to dry out road-kill to feed to a colony of beetles. The bio dept at SMS would use the beetles to clean off skulls that they wanted to add to collections, but you had to continue to feed them during the times they weren't cleaning future study skulls.] I was a little creeped out she wanted some and somehow I held a massive ball of them in my arms while Gram was getting their cage ready. A few of them escaped and I was very concerned that they’d start breeding and take over in the house.
I then found myself at a party. Mostly just a gathering of friends, both those I see all the time and some I haven’t seen in years. It was at someone’s house, but I can’t tell you whose. Someone kept saying let’s play that ?? cup game we used to play. [At this point I can't remember what kind of cup game they were talking about.] I vaguely knew what they were talking about, but could not remember exactly how to play.
Steve M was there sitting on the couch and looking horrible. I sat next to him and asked what was wrong. He said he woke up that morning covered in blood and yuck, as he suspected one of his kids had taken a knife to the family lab who was in the bed next to him during the night, and he was upset (more at the loss of the dog than the fact that he suspected one of his kids of killing the dog right next to him). O.O [This piece is likely because I just reconnected with Steve on Facebook and saw that Drake is now 17 years old and Indra is 10.]
At this point I started noticing people’s clothing kept changing. Like in the blink of an eye. I’d be talking to someone, turn to wave to someone else, turn back and poof! Wardrobe change. At one point I was talking to Christine W, and when I turned back, she had a cast on her arm. I think it was around this time I suspected I was jumping through time, from one gathering time with friends to another (though the composition of friends never changed, and the request for that cup game happened repeatedly throughout my time at the party). I realized it was just me that was bouncing through time and it seemed to be centered either at that house or that kind of event.
Christine and I were talking and apparently I’d asked about my love. She took me to a door and opened it, showing the basement steps at my family home in Sandy Valley. At the bottom of it was my mate/lover – a lady beholder who happened to NOT have eye-stalks. She was a beautiful shade of blue and though I felt a connection of a long lost love towards her, she was radiating resentment and anger at me. I asked Christine “Are we . . . still together?” She said with sadness, no. I’d disappeared and she’d never forgiven me for breaking her heart. She’d gone a little wild and was living in the basement, wrecking a bit of havoc. There was an inch or two of water, so at some point she’d flooded the basement. I was heartbroken at this and Christine closed the door. [Blame this one on starting physical therapy again. My "eyeless beholder mate" looked amazingly like my Swiss ball I'm doing PT on the last two nights; and is likely also because of the Gren/Bob romance in a webcomic I read.]
I can’t remember other things that happened, but at some point I’d fast-forwarded to my love’s death. I was sitting on the second to last step, cradling her distorted and slowly deflating form in my arms, crying over the loss. I knew that it was the time instabilities that were making me jump through time that was the reason I’d broken her heart. To her perspective, I’d simply vanished one day without a word to her and she felt deserted and betrayed. As she was dying in my arms I was trying to explain to her what was going on, that I still loved her – just before she died, she let me know she believed me, understood that it was out of my control, and she really still loved me.
It was during my time on the step with her in my arms that I realized that some of Gram’s beetles had escaped and somehow had caused a rip in the fabric of time which in turn caused me to hop through time.
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I was giving Jonathan a quick description of my dream and he says . . . “I just love my sci-fi geek wife”. And we’d been talking about how you shouldn’t upset a beholder cause you never know what’s going to happy and I said something about knowing what they say about hell hath no fury like . . . hence the title.
Aug 10
16
Strange office setup this morning for the appt with the physiatrist. Apparently there are three different doctor complexes in one building, so I checked in at a main desk and sat down. About 5 minutes later a gentleman took me to a small desk (reminded me of setting up an account at a bank, or being bounced from car salesman to load dept at a dealership). About all he did was confirm insurance info, basic contact info, emergency contact, that sort of stuff. And he wanted a credit card or something on file so that they could run it for whatever balance was due. I told him, no, there’s a copay and then insurance covers 100%. Not to mention any card I’d want left on file I did not have on me. Se he dealt with it. Then he took me down the hall to another little check in and waiting area, where I got a boatload of forms to fill out. when I made the appt almost 2 weeks ago, the lady said she’d be sending the registration forms to me in the mail – but I never got them. I wish I had. They had me go to the room before I’d finished about half of it, and it was only a few minutes before the doctor came in.
We did the getting to know you and your spine dance . . . Where’s the pain, what kind of pain, how long pain, what have you done for it, did it work, blah blah blah. And then I had my eyes opened about vertebra and disks and all sorts of things.
“Degenerative Disk Disease” is a crap, throw-away phrase. Everyone has it to one extent or another. By MRI inspection an average of 25% of TEN YEAR OLDS have an abnormal disk . . . 50% of 50 year olds have two, and 75% of 80 year olds have at least three. But just because an MRI shows DDD does NOT mean you’re going to have problems. MRI’s by themselves are worthless (except maybe in extreme cases). What’s important for me is that MY MRI matches the pain I’m describing and fits with the symptoms he was able to induce during the visit. He did this strange combo of stretching hamstring, with toes up and head down and there was much more pain on the right side than the left – a confirmation of exactly which nerve is being irritated. There are five sciatic nerves in the spinal canal and treatment works best if you can actually identify which of the five is being irritated.
Speaking of which, he took the time to actually show me how to read the MRI and see exactly what I was looking at – including demonstrating how the MRI was “slicing” me and in what orientation. It wasn’t what I’d thought. I can now tell the difference between a healthy disk and a degenerative one. The latter is not only flatter and sticks out more, but is also darker on the MRI. I got to ask my question (that I didn’t get to ask last week). Dr Z had said last year that they don’t know exactly what’s inside of a disk and that lopping a part off of one (the discectomy surgery) may let important things like a nucleus flow out. That’s always bothered me just thinking about it. Fotopoulus says after decades of research, no one knows the exact composition of a disk. And that if I had to have surgery, not to worry about things flowing out cause they already had. A degenerative disk is what it is, and is darker on the scan, because it’s empty. It’s basically just the two layers of cartilage (like an empty sack).
He said he could not in good conscience recommend surgery at this point because I’d not exhausted all of the conservative (i.e. NOT surgical) treatments yet. He wanted to send me back to physical therapy and I groaned. Explained how I’ve been through it twice, I know what needs to be done and I don’t think they’ve come up with anything new. He asked are you doing them? No, but I’m going to! PT appts are expensive (both in time away from work and a copay each time). He’s fine with that. And I had a chance to confirm that ball PT is just fine and Dr Z was full of shit that that I shouldn’t bend a certain way because it would squeeze the disk out more. Always wondered about that as much of what he told me was counter to basic physical therapy for lower back.
He told me it’s not so much that losing weight will help my back (of course it won’t hurt, but it’s not like I’m 900 pounds), and it’s more core strength that’s needed to help alleviate pain. He said it’s probably the surgeon’s concern too, that recovery may be extended or complicated because the core muscles (back and stomach) are much weaker than they should be. So – PT is a must.
Most people think epidurals for spinal issues involve a series of three injections. I didn’t know that, but he seemed to think I did. He doesn’t typically do that as it’s usually not needed. In most cases he sees epidurals typically last upwards of three to three and a half years. I looked at him and said, multiple times in disbelief . . . “Three years? THREE YEARS?!?!?!” It was around that time the tears started to leak. He said we’ll try one epidural and if 6-8 months later it’s not still giving me relief, then he’ll re-evaluate and maybe look into surgery. And after talking to mom, I asked if RFA was an option (after epidural but before surgery). He said no. In my case, RFA would not be an option. There’s no reason to keep doing epidurals if it’s not going to give real long term benefit. If I was 80 years old, he’d have no problem giving an epidural every two months – but at 40 years old? No way. At that point I couldn’t stop the tears, nor did I try. I don’t know what his experience has been, but he asks if I’m OK, I say yes, and he finishes with ” . . . cause you’re kind of weirding me out”. Which of course made me laugh. I don’t think I had the words at the time to explain what I’d been through or actually convey that they were tears of . . . relief, if not joy.
The first available appt this week was 0615 on Friday. I was almost tempted to take it but the logistics of doing daycare would just not work. Next available is 1115 on Friday. It’s an awake one, and going to be done “under live x-ray” to make sure the juice gets delivered to exactly the right nerve – Sciatic 1. The little card they gave me says no ibuprofen until AFTER the procedure (though I can take vicodin if needed since it’s tylenol based). It also says to “expect the injection process to take 2-2.5 hours out of” my day. I asked how I’d be afterwards and the nurse/tech said I shouldn’t be any worse off than I was when I walked in this morning. Of course Friday was going to be our date day – we missed having a date in July. And with the timing and not knowing how I’ll be after, I feel like I’m ruining date day. So we’ve postponed it a week and we’ll just see how Friday goes. I might go back to work and I might have Jonathan just take me home.
Aug 10
14
Jonathan bolted from bed this morning at 8 am with a yelp. Horrible leg cramp in his right calf and a distinct pop heard and felt. He tried a heating pad, then I put mineral ice on it (as I’d planned to go to Clanna practice. Every time I’d go over one particular spot would cause him to cringe in pain and pull away. I asked if a trip to ER was called for and was surprised when he said yes.
So left the house at 10:20 leaving Liam with Jason and Luke. He was upset. The boy can’t name days of the week yet but he sure as hell knows when Saturday and Sunday are and that those are days with momma and daddy. They didn’t bring him into a room until 11:50 or so. Took blood to check potassium, waiting on results. He’s now away getting an ultrasound to check for blood clots. The doc is pretty sure the cramp was severe enough to actually TEAR the muscle. eeeeeeeep! Updates coming, staff here now.
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So, blood clot check was negative. They checked him from groin to ankle, it was not gentle, and when they ran the wand over the tear area, Jonathan just BARELY restrained himself from back handing the nurse. O.O I thought the ultrasound was to actually look at the tear but apparently it was just a clot check. Potassium levels were normal. Good because Dr B switched his BP meds a while ago BECAUSE it was lowering his potassium too much. He’s been on this med a while and it’s been working, so I was hoping it wasn’t going to have to be changed.
I went to get the car and they were getting a wheelchair to roll him out. We passed on he crutches as we already have a pair at home for each of us. On the way out I went through the circular door which as not moving fast enough for my taste. I swear the stupid thing was saying “Coffee bushes will increase.” I kept trying to puzzle it out as I headed across the parking lot. Got Jonathan loaded without problem and headed straight home. On the way Jonathan translated the female mechanical voice as saying “Caution: Door speed will increase.” Apparently it’s easier to understand when you’re going through the regular doors on each side than it is when you’re standing under it. I SWEAR that’s not what it sounded like.
So took him home, leaving him in the car while I ran in to get his crutches. Got him settled on the couch and Jason and I ran to Walgreens (to get his pain meds filled) and then Walmart to pick up a few foodables. Jason asked why I didn’t just go to the pharmacy at Walmart and I explained that that Walgreens was the our primary and I wanted all our stuff in one place. I began to question myself about that on this day though, thinking speed was of the essence cause he was in so much pain. But turns out it was good to stick with the plan. No idea why, but Walmart’s pharmacy was closed on a Saturday afternoon. Who knows why.
Aug 10
13
At Liam’s 18 month appt, it was the day after a very long night of stomach virus and Dr A recommended we skip the vaccinations he was due for. He’d actually lost weight (24 lb 4 oz at his 15 month appt, and 24 lbs even at the 18 month) though Dr A was not worried in light of the stomach bug. She suggested we just bring him back in a couple months for a weight check and get the vax when he was healthier.
So around 21 months it didn’t happen – Fridays were crazy that month at work, and we prefer doing shots on Fridays so we can watch for signs of reactions ourselves, and we’re there to cuddle him if he’s not feeling well. The 22 month mark found both of us sick with horrible summer colds with coughing (and some of the worst periods of back stuff for me). So it didn’t happen then either.
I didn’t want to get too far off our schedule (it’s our own, and NOT the psychotic AAP schedule), so 13 Aug 2010 we left work about 2:30, picked him up from daycare, and headed to the doctor’s office. The waiting room was on the crowded side, but we were there on a walk in basis for the open “lab” times, which includes shots.
They stripped him and got a weight (on the baby scale, him sitting up) and length (laying down making marks on the paper cover). I asked when he would graduate to the stand on it scale with little sliding height thingy – at two years. So next visit will be different. He is now 27 lb 4 oz and about 35.75″. I don’t know how accurate that length is – Jonathan and I should probably re-do it at home. He’d trashed the paper cover and it was sort of folded under him.
The shots, DTaP and Varicella, surprisingly went into an arm instead of his thigh. I questioned this cause of course his little thigh is meatier than his arm. The nurse said AAP indicates Varicella and MMR are to be given in the BACK of the arm. Ouch. I remember allergy tests there and how painful they were. Jonathan end holding him, and he was having a ball with the nurse’s tape measure, which he grabbed right after she got his length. She got his arm prepped, bandaids ready, and had both shots done in less than a minute (possibly less than 30 sec – I wasn’t actually timing). He didn’t make a single sound, but watched her for each and gave her a rather evil, “Lady what the hell are you doing to my arm?!?!” sort of look for each – more for the one in the back of his arm. We passed on the sucker (which she thankfully asked permission of us first on, by spelling it), as he wasn’t upset and why push the sugar? He had a Dinosaur Train figure in his hand and still had her tape measure, so he was quite happy (even after being asked to give the latter back, with an unprompted “elcome!” after she thanked him for it.
We headed to Oak Park mall after that, grabbed a quick lunch at a little cafe right there next to the play area (how did we miss it?? Great smoothies and paninis, they also have sweet and savory crepes!). He rode the carousel with both Daddy, on a horse, and later with Momma, choosing the teacup spinner (after seeing little girls on it the first time around). And of course lots of fun climbing and running on things.
He didn’t do to bad with the Varicella, but had an absolutely huge knot on his arm where the DTaP went in. He’s always reacted poorly to that particular vax. This was a hard knot about two inches across, that was very red, and hot to the touch. We noticed it just before bed Saturday night, and I gave him some motrin and benedryl, as well as hydrocort topically and as many minutes as he’d allow an icepack. Sunday it didn’t look much different. We repeated the same Sunday night, and Monday morning the redness and swelling were down, with not nearly as much heat in it. I’m really glad he doesn’t get that one again for more than 2 years. And then it’s Tdap at age 12 and at least every 10 years after.
I really want Mother to find my vax records. I would love to see what sort of immunizations I got as a kid and compare it to what kids get nowadays.
Aug 10
11
In short I still don’t know what the frak I’m going to do. Jonathan went with me to my appt this afternoon for moral support. I filled out updated paperwork, paid my copay and waited. Called me in, got a weight, and sit in a little room.
Dr B comes in (forgot he wears bow-ties) and we go take a look at the MRI. Even I can tell, as a layman, that the disk is poking out more now than it was 18 months ago. We go back into the little room and he starts talking. I start crying. The nurse knocks on the door, says something, Dr B leaves. I attempt to stop crying – why are there no tissues in his exam rooms? Many minutes later the nurse comes in and asks if I’ve decided to schedule surgery. “Um, what? I didn’t get to finish talking to Dr B before he left?!?!” So we sit longer and eventually he comes in – very rushed. Emergency call from the hospital just happened to come during MY appointment. In summation (and this might change after I have Jonathan re-read it – I wasn’t exactly rational).
So, other than having a scrip for steroids, I’m no better off or clearer in my head than I was this morning. He’s concerned about weight causing complications with surgery. It’s not like I haven’t had my share of surgeries around my current weight, and to date I’ve not had issues with any complications or infections. And it’s a damned catch 22 because I need to lose weight to make surgery safer, but it’s an extra challenge to exercise – and thus lose weight – because of back pain. And I think this would be incentive to get more active and lose weight. I miss being able to pick up Liam and toss him around – or get on the floor and play. Not to mention avoiding a second back surgery would be a HUGE incentive.
So on the way out the car I call Walgreens and ask if this steroid is nursing safe. The nurse said oh, she didn’t know the answer to that question and to ask the pharmacist. The pharmacist had me on hold quite some time (I think they forgot about me the first time) and came back with – for pregnancy it’s class C and for nursing she thought it might be passed through milk but there wasn’t any proof and she wouldn’t herself but it’s really up to the doctor. Well the doctor’s office said to call you. She says it all depends on weighing the risks of taking it vs not taking it. I told her it was this or surgery and she didn’t say anything. I hung up. Got back to work and looked it up my damned self on Kellymom, which has never failed me before and matched perfectly with everything the OBGYN and LC ever told me. That site confirms class C for pregnancy and L2 for nursing. I’m good with L2. So we dropped it off at Walgreens on the way home. The radio cut out on us while we were waiting, so I suggested to Jonathan to shut the engine off. Finished with the scrip drop off – and the car wouldn’t start. What a great fraking day. In short we got a jump, drove to Advance Auto by the house, I went in, picked one, paid for it, it came with free installation. I waited with the car while the guy put it in, we got our core deposit back immediately, and the boys waited inside the store (I didn’t want either of them to get overheated waiting in the car. The car started right up and home we went.
In the mail was the lab results from my new doc appt, which included a copy of the MRI results. First, my total cholesterol is NOT over 200 as I suspected. Though like Jonathan, my good is low and my bad is a little high. My vit D came up really low, so I need to take supplements for that. But I’m stunned at the MRI write up from the Imaging techs. This is their interpretation that gets sent to the doctors (in addition to a disk of MRI images for review).
“The L4-L5 level demonstrates small central focal disc protrusion best demonstrated on sagittal images 6-8 series 3 and axial image 23 series 5 resulting in mild central spinal stenosis indenting the ventral thecal sac.
The L5-S1 level demonstrates focal right paracentral focal disc protrusion best demonstrated on sagittal images 6-8 series 3 and axial images 29-30 series 5 indenting the ventral thecal sac and resulting in mild central spinal stenosis and mild right lateral recess stenosis with posterior displacement of right S1 nerve root.
<whimper> what I have is best described as “mild”? Really? OMG, what is moderate or severe like? I hate having a low pain threshold.
So I’m starting a week long prednisone dose pack tomorrow morning. And the physiatrist appt is Monday morning. I expect he’ll cover a lot of what Dr B suggested as options today, but we’ll see. They’re moving offices next week and the doc is out of town, so the earliest surgery would be the following week anyway, if I chose that. I’ve never been on pred before, and thinking about the irony of it just makes me shake my head.
My back is like this because of my weight.
I need to lose weight to make my back better and hurt less.
Exercising to lose weight is difficult because of the back pain.
Trying steroids to reduce inflammation and pain instead of or to delay surgery.
Said steroid is notorious for making people, and special puppies, gain weight.
My back is screwed up because of my weight.
Aug 10
11
Yeah, I’m awake and playing with Blog stuff at 2 am. Yay me.
Anisa posted this on her Fb page and I watched the whole thing, simply amazed. Billie commented that she didn’t know how he got those sounds to come out of that instrument, and I must agree.
Find time to watch this through – he plays the entire piece.
Bohemian Rhapsody – Jake Shimabukuro
Aug 10
9
Oops, I missed part of the goodness of Saturday. . . .
First the Thank you – to The Steve – for recommending the PBS series The Dinosaur Train, a la Henson. Luke is crazy for it and has some of the toys and they told us about it around Independence weekend. So we DVRd it later that week. Now Liam is crazy for it too, and I honestly think Penguins has taken a back seat to the Dinosaur Train. Or as we adults sometimes say in code “Extinct Reptile Railed Transport” . . . or more recently DT. Cause you can’t actually say it out loud unless you are prepared to play it.
He still loves Penguins, but in all our Penguin watching, he’s never used the team’s names. But after a handful of DT episodes he’s now talking about Buddy, Tiny, and Don. And the Conductor. (Jason says “What, no love for Shiny?” LOL. The show not only teaches stuff about dinosaurs and animal behavior, but also social lessons like sharing, acceptance of others, etc. I mean really, here a family of Pteranodons has accepted a baby T. rex into their nest and treat him as one of their own. And Jonathan and I seriously think Don is a little “special”, but his brother and sisters clearly love him and take care of him. Nothing more unique than an autistic pterosaur.
I’ve been thinking about birthday number two that’s coming up and what to do theme wise. Why not Dinosaur Train? So we looked at the toys they have and discovered a motorized train and track for $30 and not to be released until 18 Aug. They have add-on cars for the train with other characters, too, plus larger InterAction toys that talk to each other. Then I also found little plushes of several of the characters and an awesome little backpack.
Luke has the stegosaurus that talks and several train cars, non-motorized. I was planning on ordering the train with tracks and just keeping my fingers crossed there wouldn’t be any delay in shipping and deliver in time for his birthday, since they’re not released until the 18th. You never know how “pre-ordering” is going to go.
So . . . I’m standing in the diaper isle, pricing pull-ups. Jonathan and Liam are off in toys (or electronics) with the cart. I see them come around the corner and Jonathan has this big smile on his face. He reaches in the cart and pulls out the Dinosaur Train motorized train and track. You know – the one Amazon says isn’t released until 18 Aug? And for only $25. Made me wonder what extra cars they might have and for how much, so Jonathan heads back to toys and I go grab a few food type things. He comes back with Buddy and a train car ($5.99: $11 at Amazon) and a 3-figure pack (Shiny, Mrs Pteranodon, Derek, also $5.99: $10 on Amazon). SCORE!!!!! Not only did we pay less than if we’d gone via Amazon, but we also have it in hand and don’t have to worry about pre-orders and delivery dates.
Now we can work on other figure packs, train car packs, etc. The way the InterAction toys might be an option, and they have cool little plushes too. And we might go ahead and get him a backpack, too. It’s not like he needs one for school, but I can totally see him wearing it around the house for fun, and we can pack a few toys in it when we travel to Grandma and Mamo’s house, too. I even had an idea later that for his birthday we could just get a sheet cake, mostly plain, and put train parts and figures on it.
In other quick updates, I got a KC zoo email – Sunday the polar bear exhibit opened. We were trying to keep Liam cool and the viewing area is “climate controlled” but there’s no way we would have gone on opening day. I can’t imagine the crush of people crowding in to see a white bear. The penguins have not arrived yet. When they do, that MIGHT replace the sea lions as Liam’s favorite. And they’re really close to the sea lions, both of which are close to the entrance. We could run into the zoo and never touch feet in Australia or Africa.
Liam is still polka-dotted, but they were greatly faded this morning. So we opted to skip taking him to the pedi. They have walk-in hours every day, so we can always go later this week. We’re tentatively scheduled to take him there Friday afternoon for his 18 month shots (which he didn’t get at 18 months cause of that stomach virus he had the day before).
Aug 10
8
Yesterday was a pretty awesome day, by my standards, even though I did not get a whole lot of sleep. My back has been waking me up around 4 or 5 am and I often can’t get back to sleep. Liam was up just before 8 and Jonathan got up not too much later. We had waffles for breakfast before leaving for dance practice.
Yes, I’m still going to dance practice and doing what I can. Practice 4 weeks ago was a wash. Between ankle pain I was having and icky back stuff, I wasn’t not able to do much more than stand up and maybe walk a dance half-assedly (yes, I’m using that as a word). Practice 2 weeks ago was considerably better, but my back was still sore and achy and I had 2-3 weird popping issues, quite painful, in the arches of my foot. Which sucked as it was the first time I’ve been all the way through Strathspey. Yesterday was pretty good though. I wasn’t sure how much I was going to be able to do when I got there, but I stretched out (heel/calf) and of all things started with Jubilee. A dance, despite being exposed to regularly for like 7 years now, I can’t quite seem to get firmly in my head. I cheated in several places, skimping on steps and just making sure my body was moving where it was supposed to. We did Cineal Anord next. I guess Jubilee loosened me up, cause when it was time to change my sex every two bars, I rocked it. Full fledged 7s, at speed, and DAMN that felt good. I seriously think I had a little endorphin rush there. Short break and into Maxwell’s Rant, which is a pretty simple and yet confusing dance, but lots of fun. I did pretty well on it, too. Hopefully whatever my future holds with my back, I’ll recover enough to dance at faire this fall, as I’m really looking forward to it.
It was a next generation morning, as running around were (checking my memory here): Liam, age 23 months; Connor, age 16 months; Brogan, age 13 months; Aiden, age 4.5 years, and little miss Galena, age 5 months. Galena is the only one not walking (@ Christy, it won’t surprise me a bit if that baby girl is walking close to 8 months. I have never seen a little one so mobile at such a young age.) At one point, Jonathan (and I think Cody) took most of the horde out to the church’s playground. When they came back in, Liam was covered in spots. Nana and others thought it looked like a heat rash. And that made sense – it was only under clothing, mostly on his chest, back and along the band of his diaper and pull-up. It reminded me of the rash he got at about 8-9 months when he was allergic to barley. If that’s indeed what it is, it might explain the smaller little rashes I’ve seen in the same areas the last few weeks. I know he goes outside during the day at daycare and now I wonder if that’s what it is. ‘Nice commented it’s going to be more common with his fair Irish complexion, like his Momma.
I rubbed him down with hydrocort last night on the worst parts and gave him a dose of benedryl before bed. We hadn’t noticed him scratching at it, but when we stripped him to get his PJs on, he was all about the scratching of his back and belly. It doesn’t look much better today and we were planning on going to the pedi in the morning. I would have thought it should have cleared up with us keeping him inside and cool. I checked a baby site and it says heat rash can take a few days to clear and so long as he’s not running a fever a trip to the doc isn’t necessary. So we’ll give it a few more days. He’s getting a bath with baking soda in it tonight.
Anyway, back to the success of yesterday. We learned at Jonathan’s eye appt that replacement sunglasses that clip onto his scrips would be $80!! Gulp! So we’ve been looking for the little clip-on kind we’d gotten from Target so many years ago as a temporary fix. He can get new frames next year (insurance only covers frames every 2 years) and can get a whole new set up then. But we’ve been having a hard time finding the little clip on ones. We went to a different Target and it happened to NOT have an optometrist in it. Another one we were too late and they’d closed. So after dance yesterday we went to the shopping complex down on Stateline. Their optometrist dept said they’ve never sold them and we should try Wal-mart in the sunglasses area. I told her I wasn’t finding them at Walmart and we’d ALWAYS gotten them at Target in the eye dept – I left off that it was always the Lee’s Summit location. She looked at me like I was making things up.
I’ve also been on the search for glass jars for canning. Not that I’m brave enough to actually CAN something, but when we were at mom’s Independence weekend, she introduced us to manna from the gods. Homemade strawberry freezer jam. Made with fresh strawberries, crushed, sugar, and instant fruit pectin. No boiling water and canning metal lids required. We made our first batch a couple weeks ago and are on our last container as of this morning. As I’m becoming more crunchy in certain aspects of my old life, I want to use glass instead of leftover plastic containers for storage. So I’ve been searching for canning supplies. Two Walmarts we frequent had supplies earlier this year, but now have nothing. I’d checked at two Targets – one had only half pint deco jars, and yesterday’s had the same plus big quart jars. And I think pint ought to be the right size.
Liam was about to go to sleep and was overheated, and Jonathan had a headache, so I left the boys in the car with the AC and ran into Walmart. First success? Clip on sunglasses. Huge selection of sizes and I had no trouble finding ones that fit his glasses (he gave them to me to take in for fitting). Bonus? They were only $13, versus the $20 of the Target versions years ago. Head to the baking isle and the only thing they have is the instant fruit pectin. Takes a few minutes to find someone to ask, and I learn they have canning stuff, but it’s over in housewares in the gadget isle. So I head over there and OMG, I’ve hit paydirt. There must be an eight foot section, floor to top of shelf, of nothing but canning stuff. I selected pint jars and went with the wide mouths, just thinking it would be easier to dig jelly out of the bottom. Also I noticed some plastic lids instead of the flat lids and rings. I wasn’t looking forward to dealing those so I grabbed a box of plastic ones. SCORE!! And I chose wisely as when I got home I read that the regular shape of pint jars is not recommended for freezer use, so my thoughts on the wide mouth turned out to be a double benefit.
Made another batch of strawberry this afternoon and one batch made three very nice pints. They’re much more vertical than the plastic I was using, so they’ll take up less space in the fridge, too. Oh, and mom? Using frozen berries actually works quite well. I knew I had multiple bags in the freezer from when we make homemade smoothies and so I just pulled those out to thaw. I’m experimenting with ratios of sugar and Splenda, as well as quantity. No sense adding more than is really needed and we’re very carb conscious with diabetes in the house. I used Splenda on the first batch, less than half, and it was delicious. Using less sweatener in total for this batch. We have one more of the original batch to eat through before seeing how my experiment turns out.
We tried to get Liam to nap at 1 pm today and he was a ball of energy. I found a rare comfy position, so Jonathan, wonderful husband that he is, took Liam downstairs to hang out while he worked on the game area and let me nap. I relaxed for two hours and probably slept for 45 min of it. Got up just as Jonathan was coming upstairs with Liam – one VERY cranky butt. He woke up earlier than usual this morning, so he was very due for some sleep. It took less than 10 minutes and he was out like a log. Jonathan and I watched FMA and then Jonathan went and took a nap too.
Aug 10
5
This morning, well, all day really, was a really crap back day. Apparently I really needed to shift position last night – I can only comfortably sleep on my right side (can’t do left side anymore) but sometimes my hip gets sore and I just have to find a different position. I’ll sometimes roll over and lay on my left side, but that works for no more than 30 min or so. I guess I started to roll over last night and was exhausted and didn’t make all the way over. I think I spent well over an hour on my back. It was a challenge to get out of bed and walk this morning.
So when I got a voicemail at 8:10 this morning and it was the doctor’s office canceling this afternoon’s appointment, I was almost in tears. And the office didn’t open until 9 am – that was the longest hour . . .
They’re just plain closing the office and canceling ALL appts today. The soonest they could get me in would be 31 Aug. I took the earliest they had and ended up crying while on the phone. I apologized and explained it had been a rough morning. She said she’d make a note to move me up to the first available if something opened up. And then she did something she really shouldn’t have. She told me WHY the office was closed. You know that saying, “Doctors make the worst patients”? Well Dr B is evidently the WORST patient. Particularly when he’s in denial that he has kidney stones. Yesterday he was trying to continue working and seeing patients and by noon a nurse found him sitting in his office, rigid with pain, and in a cold sweat. Another nurse had to fill a pain scrip for him. They tried to get him into a CT and he walked out of the appt, insisting he had his own patients to see. I guess they eventually got him to realize he needed to take care of himself. I thanked her and promised I’d not say anything to him to reveal I knew what was going on – for some reason that mental image made me feel better.
I got on the phone to call Jonathan to let him know (he was planning on going with me to the appt) and while I was on my headset workphone with him, my cell rang and I recognized it as the Doc’s office again. So I had Jonathan in my left ear and answered my cell with my right. Apparently one of the nurses remembered me as an established patient and penciled me in for an appt next week, with plans to call me later in the day to see if it would work. They’re pushing new patients out further, and that’s why I got the 31 Aug appt. So now I see this doc next Wednesday, 11 Aug.
I haven’t seen this guy since May 2009 and that was just an MRI review and consult to see if surgery would help my particular case some time in the future. So I’m not really a new patient. But they moved out of two office locations and into one office (different area) and changed computer software as well. They lost some of my details and I am in some sort of limbo between new and established patient.
He’s going to be on vacation sometime in the middle of August too, so chances are even if we do schedule surgery, likely AFTER vacation, there will be time to discuss other options with the phsyiatrist. That reduces my stress somewhat because I DO want to review all options. I’m definitely not anxious for more surgery. But likewise don’t really want to go a temp fix or months before feeling better route. I’ve already “delayed” long enough.
Aug 10
3
Three important things have simply disappeared.
My 21 and 22 month Li’ika blog posts. I KNOW I wrote them and I KNOW I published them. Now they’re nowhere to be found. I don’t have them as drafts, I don’t see them as published. I checked my last backup copy and neither are there (though I may have published them after that backup). They’re being emailed to my spam account as backup and I don’t find them there either.
If you’re stalking me, would you check and see if you have these posts please?
Lastly, the lock of Liam’s hair from his first haircut. It was long and curly for his first one and I chose a particularly fine lock, tied with a piece of thread. I was keeping in a particular place on the bookshelf. Subsequent cuts have not been as long or as curly and let’s face it – that first one is the special one.
I happened to be cleaning the bookshelves a couple of weeks ago and it’s no longer there. I checked the shelf under it, thinking it might have slipped down the back or side of the shelf. I suppose when it’s easier to bend over and get on floor, I’ll check the bottom shelf. I just have this horrible feeling it either fell to the floor and was vacuumed up, or fell in the trashcan that sits right under that side of the shelf.
Aug 10
2
So, MRI this morning. About as I expected – incredibly painful. I took the little sleep mask for my eyes – not being able to see the ceiling of the tiny little tube really kept my claustrophobia issues down (and apparently I only have these issues when I’m in an MRI tube). My back started hurting 30 seconds after laying down and got progressively worse. I didn’t have any way of keeping track of time, but am told my scan normally takes about 20 minutes. They are loud, even with earplugs in. They gave me a “here’s the last scan” warning and it’s a good thing cause I didn’t know how much longer I could last. The knocking shut off, and they started to move me out, asking if I was OK. I lost it cause I was in so much pain and started bawling – no, no I’m not OK. I’d been keeping it all contained to keep still for the scans and once I was clear, it all came out. It took 3 of them to get me up and then they handed me a box of tissues. The only good part about it was that the tech said they got really good pictures this time around.
They’ll be sending the results to the surgeon and the physiatrist (I had to look that one up – that’s the non-surgical guy). And gave me a CD of images to take with me. Surgeon appt is Thursday afternoon (5th) and the soonest the physiatrist could get me in is two weeks from today, the morning of the 16th.
I still don’t know what to do. Just schedule the surgery for ASAP? See what the surgeon thinks, if non-surgical anything would work, talk to the physiatrist first, and put off surgery until ??? I just don’t know what else this guy can suggest. I’m past the point of PT working – been through two rounds and it’s not helping (I’ve been doing some on my own, and Dr Z even told me no amount of PT was going to fix this problem). The TENS only gives partial pain relief while it’s on, and the pain comes back with a vengeance when I take it off (and I’m sure I use it more than I’m supposed to anyway . . . when I use it). I don’t understand how an epidural is supposed to do anything. I know they’re different in a pain management perspective than they are from a labor & delivery standpoint. The first epidural numbed my legs into dead weight for 2 hours and then nothing. The second didn’t even do that much. If there’s another version of epidural, how long is it supposed to last? I don’t want to have to go back every what, 3 months? 6 months? a year? to get stabbed in the back again for temporary relief at most. What else is there? I know I’ll find out on the 16th but . . . I wish that appt was sooner. Ideally I would have liked to have had that one BEFORE the neurosurgeon appt. I want this to be better – I want it to go away – I don’t want to just find a “holding action” in pain management.
I know that I’ve done this to myself. When I was initially diagnosed with DDD in 2005 they said they almost never saw someone of my age with it (35 at the time) and that it was usually seen in people over 40 or 50. And that the reason was because I was carrying so much weight and my spine was just plain compressing. I know losing weight is going to help in the long run, not just with my back but other things as well. But at this point exercising is out of the question. It’s sometimes taking everything I have in me just to walk from one room to the other – how I am supposed to exercise after that? Oh, I’m sure swimming and water aerobics would be awesome but there’s the money issue with that to get access to a pool.
And I think my stress over this caused a couple of EE elephant attacks – both Saturday night, just before bed, and Sunday at breakfast. Saturday was a bad one in that I was also stressed out over not being able to Liam to bed. I even attempted a suggestion of drinking water to “reset” my esophagus. Yeah, epic fail. Horrible pain and I could not breath for like 30 seconds – no oxygen going in at all. And it didn’t get rid of it. I didn’t try a second time. So I asked Jonathan if he’d be willing to try bed time without me (there’s yai’yai involved in bed time). I was sitting down in the bathroom, playing on my iPod to try to distract myself, and it finally resolved. I was able to get Liam to bed, but it was after 11 pm before it happened. I had another not great one Sunday in the middle of blueberry buttermilk pancakes. And OMG my throat and chest were sore from all the coughing the night before.
Oh, and a migraine today. I think from the crying this morning post MRI.
Jul 10
23
Way back in 2005 I was having some serious back pain. Whatever doctor I had back then had them do an MRI on my lower back. I’d never had one before and she wanted to get a picture of what was going on. (On a side note, that was the ONLY time in my life I’ve ever felt claustrophobic – watching the top of that tube go past the end of my nose and having my elbows wedged up against me. ) Diagnosis was Degenerative Disk Disease with compression of the disks between L4-L5-S1 vertebrae. I was told it’s uncommon for someone my age (35 at the time) to have DDD and it was likely because of the extra weight I was carrying. I went through a round of PT for several months, incorporating a Swiss ball (I’d been through a round of PT for my back before, but the ball almost makes it fun.) That’s also when I got my TENS unit for pain management. It did get better and so long as I didn’t do something stupid like pick up something heavy the wrong way, it was pretty good.
Just prior to pregnancy the state of my back was mostly the same, maybe a bit more often for the pain down my right leg. DURING pregnancy, I eventually had pain radiating down BOTH legs, which really made things a challenge. Between that and the PSD (pubic bone issue during pregnancy), walking and getting out of bed was sometimes a challenge. Once I had I had Liam, the left leg pain disappeared and has not come back. So Liam was about 4 months old (Jan 2009) and my back got really bad. I got to the point where I could not lift him (I think he was all of 15 pounds then), but I was having to have Jonathan get him out of his bassinet and put him back in at night. I had been seeing commercials on TV for something called IDD therapy – a non-surgical alternative to back pain.
There are three docs/clinics in KC that do this. One would not give me any info over the phone without a consult so I nixed them from my list. Ended up with one named Dr Z. He ordered another MRI that was done the last week of Jan 2009. I had 2 prolapsed discs in my back, one really bad and one moderate – in the same area of L4-L5-S1. Prolapsed, bulging, protruding, herniated . . . all similar terms. They were sticking out past the edge of the vertebrae and applying pressure on spinal cord and nerves so that they cause a lot of localized pain and the shooting pains down my right leg. Nothing had burst/broken, etc. So I committed to a round IDD sessions. They were painful, I’ll be the first to admit that, but they also worked after about 10 sessions. It was non-surgical and let me start walking upright and eventually was able to interact with Liam and pick him up again (of course getting a crib to sidecar and ditching the bassinet also helped). The downsides were that stupid insurances don’t cover IDD (they used to and apparently stopped a couple years ago), so it was all out of pocket at $50 a session (I think I had 27 or 28 sessions); and Dr Z had neither evening nor weekend hours, so treatments always involved sick or vacation time from work, to the tune of about 2-2.5 hours per session (counting treatment and travel time).
Before the IDD treatments started showing improvement I was talking to a coworker about my back issues. Her husband had had what she thought was a similar problem to mine, had surgery on his back, and was going fantastic. I got his doctor’s name and even ended up talking to him on the phone. Turns out his was a bit different and for one involved some scar tissue. The neurosurgeon told him not to bother with with IDD because the scar tissue he had would prevent it from working its magic. In any case, the surgery involves drilling into a vertebra and cutting off the protruding part of the disk that’s putting pressure on the nerves. His recovery was 6 weeks before he was back at work, but he was also a contractor/tile layer and in a much more physical job than I am. In any case, he was incredibly happy with his results and wishes he’d done it years sooner instead of being in so much pain for years.
I figured I’d go talk to this neurosurgeon, apparently one of the best neurosurgeons in the Midwest, just so I knew what my surgical options were and if I was a candidate for the procedure. It was a while before I got in, and had actually completed the IDD round of treatment, so I was walking pretty easily and pain was greatly reduced. He said surgery would definitely be an option for me, though he’d not recommend it at that time because I was doing so well – but if it got bad again, I should call him. He said recovery for me would probably be about a week or two, after looking at my MRI films. He did tell me the surgery is called Micro-endoscopic Discectomy. And that at one point in the surgery, a hole is drilled, blindly, through part of the vertebra. Because of this, there’s about a 3% chance of ending up in a wheelchair for life. Frankly that scared the crap out of me. I told myself I’d look into it again if my back pain ever interfered again with my interaction with Liam.
My back is really picky and pretty much flares up any time we sleep on a foreign bed. A few nights at mom and dad’s for the 4th of July visit and I was having trouble walking and moving by the time we headed home. It also did not help that Liam and I got summer colds that hit immediately after (6 July or so). Sleeping elevated made it easier to breathe and cough less, but seemed to aggravate my back pain horribly, even though I had my legs elevated. So either sleep flat and cough and not breathe and minimize back pain, or sleep elevated, cough less, breathe more, but sleep less cause my back hurt so damned bad. Several nights I slept in the recliner in the living room. In hind sight, this was a suck ass way of spending our vacation with Liam that week.
So, here we are about a year and a half later and I’m at that point. My sleep is interrupted every night because it hurts to move in bed, I can usually only find relief on my right side and that gets old (hip and shoulder need a break), but I can’t find a happy position for my back on my left side. Sitting in the car bothers me, and I can’t pick up or hold Liam. Do you know how hard it is when he comes up to me, puts his arms up, and says “Up Momma!” and I have to explain to a 2 year old that I can’t pick him up. I can’t afford more IDD treatments – not in treatment cost, nor the time out of the office that would be required. And I really seem to be focusing on that and am terrified I’d be in that 3%. It’s DEFINITELY affecting my interaction with my baby boy (can’t pick him up, can’t carry him, can’t get on the floor with him to play). I’ve reached that point, but I’m still terrified. The deal I made with myself really hit home when I was telling a friend my back history. I can’t play with my son and that’s not right. So Monday I called to make an appt to talk to the neurosurgeon.
But he can’t get me in until 5 Aug. And no surprise, I need a new MRI. So I got that scheduled today for 2 Aug. What really threw me a curve was the new general doc asked me questions about other non-surgical options for my back. Had I ever had an epidural for pain? No I haven’t – but the 2 I had for labor failed miserably. He gave me the name and number of a doctor that specializes in back pain management and non-surgical options.
Here I’d reached a point where I was ready to have surgery – get the MRI, talk to the doc, get it scheduled. Now PART of me feels like I’d be stupid to not pursue other non-surgical options first. I tried calling the that doc to see when they could see me (hoping it could be before 5 Aug but thinking there was probably no way it would happen). But apparently 23 July is some sort of holiday** somewhere and their office was closed. I guess I’ll try again Monday, just to see.
Another part of me feels like maybe I’ve waited long enough. I’ve been through 3 rounds of traditional physical therapy, an expensive round of IDD therapy, failed epidurals, TENS that provides only partial and temporary pain relief. I’m not sleeping well at all, which only increases my stress about this. I’m crying often because I’m stressed, worried, and scared . . . and completely pissed off that I can’t pick up my son and get a hug from him whenever I want. I keep thinking about my coworker’s husband who said his only regret was not doing it years sooner. What if I could be pain free for years? How can I postpone that with pursuing options that may or may not work, and are probably going to be longer in getting there than surgery would be?
I thought I knew what to do, and now I just don’t know. I do have questions for the doctor. A basic physiology question about what the disc is composed of (counter-arguments from Dr Z that I don’t know if they’re true, or him just trying to discourage surgery and encourage more IDD, you know?) What are the chances of having to have the surgery again? What’s his rate of accidental dural tears during surgery and how are those complications managed? (that’s a tear in the membrane around the spinal cord and if it’s not caught, can result in spinal fluid leakage and another surgery to go in and fix it) What’s post-op recovery like? When could I get back to day to day and more rigorous activities (such as dancing and toddler wrestling)?
I guess part of me hopes this will be a combination of my coworker’s husband and my cousin’s knee replacement experience. Said cousin had two bad knees and as a letter carrier, was always on them. He finally broke down and checked in for a double replacement surgery. In post op recovery the nurses asked him repeatedly how his pain was and if he needed anything. He said he was fine and guessed the anesthesia/pain stuff from surgery had not worn off yet. They informed it had worn off some time ago. He figures he was in so much pain with his real knees that the post op pain he was feeling was practically nothing in comparison. My hope would be that my post op pain would be less than what I have had the last few weeks, or even what I have now, sitting here typing this; and that after a week or two or three, I can run and hope and shake my booty with my little man.
I wonder if the neurosurgeon has a list of patients that are willing to give referrals and talk to prospective patients. That would be cool.
**For what it’s worth, apparently today is/was: Gorgeous Grandma Day, Hot Enough For Ya Day, Leo Begins, Saint Apollinaris Feast Day, Revolution Day (Egypt), and National Hot Dog Day (according to Google). Which of these is worth closing a doctor’s office in Kansas City MO.
Jul 10
23
Buh, I hate getting established as a new patient with a doctor. Jonathan seems to really like this one and he’s actually recommended by one of he local forum mommas.
Sitting here waiting for him to come in. Already got my freak on when the nurse asked me if I had low blood pressure. Um, no, never. 98/62. Brand new cuffs in the office so she tried again on the other arm. 110/82 and phew!! She said maybe just her getting used to the new cuff and didn’t have the steth seated right. I guess I’m going back to my gaming while waiting and will come back to this.
Hours later . . . . literally. Well, I’d heard the only negative comment about this doc is that he tends to run late on appointments so get an early morning one, or the first after lunch. Luckily I had the latter. And he runs late on appointments because he’s thorough and doesn’t rush you through. My first appointment with him today was no less than 1 hr and 15 min. Of course he took such a complete medical history and familiarized himself with my stuff, that I almost feel like a freaking basket case or hypochondriac.
I walked out with another scrip for good cough medicine, an order for lab work next week (I haven’t had a cholesterol screening and such since before pregnancy), a referral for a neurologist (for migraines and my hands going numb at night, IF it gets worse), an order for an MRI on my back, and a referral for a back pain guy who specializes in non-surgical alternatives. The latter has upset me greatly as I just don’t know what to do now.
In any case, I like this doctor. It was nice not to be rushed through an appointment.